Saturday, May 8, 2010

05/05/10 – The Uni Years

Well after the adventure that was high school I found myself in the very lucky position of being offered a university place despite my atrocious entry score. It was daunting, I had no family within 550 kms and it was the first time living away from home. I decided to live on Student accommodation the first year. Daunting yes but also very very exciting. I was going to meet heaps of new friends, follow my dream, and become an adult (hopefully). Throughout High School I was involved in multiple school productions and joined the local theatre group and was involved there. At the time it was my passion. Put me on a stage in front of a large group of people and my confidence problems disappeared. Not only that I was good! I could do amazing things with my voice, I could do accents, I could do comedy, drama, and you name it. That’s why I was so stoked to be accepted into a Performance Art course. It was going to be awesome.

Now growing up in a conservative country town the first week of Uni was the most massive culture shock ever. Before Uni I had never met an Asian person (that wasn’t an exchange student) before, I’d never met a gay or lesbian person before and I had never seen black people who were not Aboriginals before. At that stage I was scared of gay people, thought Asian people were trying to take over our country and black people just wanted to mug me. How naive and stupid I was. It only took a week or so and I realized these were just normal people. I couldn’t believe my previous attitudes and was angry at myself for thinking that way.

So I very quickly established myself on the Uni Party Circuit. I used to get $155 a fortnight in Austudy payments and managed to feed myself, get pissed 6 out of 7 nights a week and live the student lifestyle to the fullest. So many stories, so little time. There is a couple I want to touch upon though as they burn in my brain and I will never forget these moments. There was this girl I had a bit of a crush on. Her name was Vanessa. She was blonde, busty (Can you see the pattern emerging here) and down to earth. Heaps of fun, liked a drink and a laugh and there was a group of us that used to go drinking between classes and at the end of the day. There was also a girl part of our group called Cherry. She was the butchiest lesbian you would ever be likely to come across. Mo Hawk haircut, wore the baggy jeans and the flanny, rode a scooter to uni, and had the unshaved armpits and all. She was also a bit of a man hater but seemed to tolerate me (I’m inoffensive and I shout people drinks lmao) but anyways I had been building myself up to asking Vanessa out for some one on one time. I decided the best plan of attack would be to get her on her own one night drinking and ask her if she’d like to go out for dinner. Anyway, I kept procrastinating about it (You know lack of confidence, fear of rejection etc) and one night I was getting a round of pints at the bar and I came back to see Vanessa and Cherry going at it like there was no tomorrow. I nearly dropped the pints where I stood! I DID NOT see that one coming. I was shocked.

A little part of me died inside that night. Some of my innocence was lost but it was all part of growing up I suppose. The other story of note is a similar but different situation. One of my Uni drinking buddies was a guy called Rob. Rob was gay, but you wouldn’t think it talking to him. Just a regular bloke. Anyway we had a few nights on the piss and if I was short for a taxi Id crash on his couch and stuff. Anyways we were both really really pissed one night it was about 3am and Rob was trying to tell me I was an in the closet homosexual. I laughed at this. The reason I know I’m not gay is because when I look at everyday girls and women I reckon I find the majority of them attractive and desirable. With men I might find 1 in a thousand worth a second glance, and they are usually those really girly looking guys with soft features but I digress. Rob asked if he could kiss me. I said no as despite liking him as a friend I wasn’t interested in men at all. Rob didn’t like being rejected and came over and tried to sit on my lap and kiss me anyway. I told him to stop. He didn’t and I was forced to push him off me. I restrained his hands and I told him to never do that again. I walked out into the cold Melbourne Winter and found the nearest tram stop and waited for the first tram home. After that Rob and I never spoke again.

This incident messed with my head a bit. Made me start to question my sexuality and generally affected my mood. So anyways after 3 years of study I still had a dozen subjects to complete and massive debts from spending my rent money on booze and the odd hooker. I made the difficult choice to drop out of Uni and move home to live with my parents again. When I dropped out of Uni I lost the passion for Performance and haven’t been back to the stage. I miss those days. I miss performing, I miss writing and I miss partying every night, but it was for the best. I had to become a citizen of the ‘real world’.


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